Christmas and New year

Posted on January 14, 2007
Filed Under General, The English People and I | 4 Comments

Some time ago, Russ invited me to spend Christmas with him and his family. I decided to accept, as my family doesn’t really celebrate Christmas any more. All my grand parents are dead and my parents haven’t spoken to each other for 15 years so we stopped doing these family things some time ago. What usually happens, if I’m not invited for something else, is me waiting for my friends to finish with their families and then we all go out for some drinks.

I thought it would be interesting to experience the traditional English Christmas and compare it with the Portuguese. We decided to spend Christmas with his family and then go to Portugal for the New Year and everybody would be happy.

And so it was! I drove to Derby to meet Russ and his family. The trip was almost uneventful, with the exception of a bit of traffic and my car starting to behave silly. I thought, at some point, that I wasn’t going to reach my destination.

The main difference between the countries is the actual day they celebrate Christmas. In Portugal, the important meal is the dinner of the 24th. We traditionally eat cod fish (or some other fish in my case). People are not allowed/supposed to eat meat. We have a lot of traditional sweets as well: Filhoses, coscurões (é assim q se escreve?), sonhos, rabanadas, broas de mel, etc. We then open the presents after midnight. In England, the big day is the 25th: They open the presents first thing in the morning, and then have the big turkey at lunch (which has been in the oven since before the present opening action). The afternoon is spent stuffing yourself with delicious food (as the night before, in Portugal), and the next few months trying to get rid of the extra weight. Other small differences are that, in Portugal, we leave a shoe and not a stocking on the chimney (as a child of course), and it’s baby Jesus who brings the presents. This was tradition when I was a child. Now everyone talks about Santa Claus :s

Anyway, I had a wonderful time! Russ’ family were great and made me feel at home. I was only uncomfortable with the babies. People who know me, know that they are like kryptonite for me. I almost didn’t see Maddy (she’s only a few week old) but Noah (15 months old) followed me around and in the end convinced me that holding him wasn’t actually unpleasant. I must point out that Noah is not like any baby I met. He is the nicest ever. Always smiling and being funny and nice. He only cried for a bit but had really strong reasons for that (teeth).

I had very good presents: This site, as explained before, coffee, U2 CD, chocolates, oils, and a box of mashed potatoes from my boyfriend! Don’t ask…

We drove back to MK, I renewed the amount of clothes in my bag, we got on the coach to the airport, got on the plane and we were in Portugal.

As soon as we got out of the airport we realised we didn’t need our coats: 19 ºC!! My father and Maria drove us to a little village in the southwest coast were I used to spend fantastic Summers, and there we met with Vanda and Rui and stayed at their’s until the 2nd. New Year’s was on the beach with champagne and hundreds of very happy people.

Back in Lisbon the usual thing: trying to see as many people as possible and rest at the same time. I’m sure that Russ will write a post with his opinion about the trip :p

We flew back on the 6th and, for me, a week too soon. I really didn’t want to come back to England this time.

There’s no place like home!!!!

Edit: This is just a small summary of the traditions. Feel free to point out any other differences that I may have left out :)

The comments to the comments

Posted on January 10, 2007
Filed Under The English People and I | 2 Comments

I was happy to see people expressing their thoughts. I was particularly happy with Nocas’ and Patinha’s comments. And also especially happy because even people that I don’t know left their opinion.

This was exactly what I wanted from this post.

First I want to make a public apology to my friend Vanda whom I mention in the previous post. I made a mistake by saying that she called people idiots when in fact that was just what I felt she was saying. She criticized the book and the people who bought it and that led me to feel hurt and offended by it (she is one of the very few people who’s opinion is actually very important to me). The fact is that, at the time as well as now, I think the important thing is that people do things, and not their methods (as long as they don’t hurt anybody). I must say that Vanda stopped smoking as well a couple of month ago without the book and that she has been using her will power to do it (It didn’t work for me though). I wish we both look back in 30 years and think how silly we were until we stopped smoking.

After the apologies, the comments. After a few comments I realised that I achieved what I wanted with this post: to make people talk about it and change opinions. It is not my intention to say that this is wrong and that is right. The only thing I can do is give my opinion as well. I wanted to write about my experiences in England so that both cultures could learn a bit more about each other (not despising the fact that I am Portuguese and that I will always prefer my country). What I didn’t know was that smoking would be the first subject.

I was happy to see Nocas’ comment because she was the first to mention what I wrote in the post: ‘Is it a matter of how smokers and non smokers think?’ And Patinha mentioned that Mediterranean people have similar cultures and that they are very different from the remaining countries. My opinion is: It has to do with everything. I think the main reason is that smokers and non smokers do think differently as Nocas said. Most of my English friends never smoked. They don’t know how it is to be addicted and so they see the health adverts (whilst smokers avoid them) and when they finally realise you are not killing your self anymore they are truly happy. Smokers however know how it is to be addicted. Most of them have tried to quit and failed. So they are a bit more cynical when someone stops. They will believe it after you’ve been a non smoker for 30 years and have not gone back to smoking. The fact that smoking is less accepted in England than it is in Portugal plays an important role ( I felt even less comfortable here for being a smoker. One one hand I felt more miserable about smoking, on the other I felt less compiled to quit because they were always nagging me). And that the fact that countries like Portugal and Spain are more relaxed and less strict than England is also true. So I think in the end everything is important.

I was even happier to see that people I don’t know also left a comment. I will translate part of it and reply here (please forgive me if I make mistakes and let me know).

Paulo congratulates me as I think it is important to me that people do so. He never smoked and says that people need motivation and will power to stop. Maybe mine was the book but it was also up to me. He agrees that self aid books make their authors rich at the cost of people with low self esteem. He also says that the difference in attitude is not the culture but the differences between smokers and non smokers.

Bruno asks if I think it was the book or my will power that made stop and asks me to explain better what the differences in reactions between the Portuguese and the English were (I believe I answered that above). He thinks that there are many differences between cultures. Especially when Americans and English are concerned. ( I agree. They seem to be very proud of that. But that will be commented on later posts). He finishes by saying that he wishes that he also stops smoking.

About the book. As I said before I never believed in these books. To be honest I still don’t. I assume the same as many other people: they are there to take advantage of people with low self esteem. I decided to read this one because I tried to stop smoking many times before and failed. And after hearing so many people saying it works and it was actually easy I became curious. Lets be honest, the reason why so many smokers fail to quit is because it is hard! And the majority goes to hell and back with the withdrawal pangs. And they eventually give up and go back to smoking. These people and this book were saying that it worked exactly because it was easy to quit. I was curious. As I said I am analysing the psychology behind the success of the book. As Russ said, the book said nothing that I didn’t actually know. And as I read it I realise that the author uses psychology to convince the reader that he will actually stop and convinces him that it will be easy! To the point that at the end of the book we actually believe it is easy and feel it is easy, removing the fear of pain that made us not be successful before. Don’t people pay as well to go to appointments with psychiatrists (and a lot more that £10) so that they can help them with their depressions and other problems in life? The doctor doesn’t tell you you are depressed and that you have to get out of it. You know that already! That is why you went there in the first place! In each session he leads you to find the ways to deal with it. And makes you see things differently. And to make your way out of your problems. And that is what the book does. It is like an approach to psychology by an amateur who read a bit about it and applied it to stop smoking. Yes it was the fact that I wanted to stop that made me stop. But it was the book that made it a lot easier for me and that made me not be miserable at every second because I want a cigarette and I can’t have it.

Quitting smoking is a very important step in our life. It may actually save it! And when I say your friends should give you support it is precisely because it is a very important step. And I think most people agree with me when I say support from you closest friends is very important and that if they do the opposite, it makes things a lot more difficult. It is not important for me that people I don’t know congratulate me. It is important for me that my close friends are happy for me and tell me that. No need to have a party but a few words are always nice.

I am not saying that I believe in these books and that I am going to buy all of them and all my problems will be solved. But if someone says that a book is good I will wait until I read it to make my mind about it and judge for my self if it’s good or not. This one helped me and in the end that is what I find important:I did stop! And again, I’m not saying you should buy it. I just left my experience here and want people to share their opinions. That is how we learn. :)

Keep commenting!:)

The end of slavery and one of the differences between England an Portugal

Posted on January 9, 2007
Filed Under General, Portugal, The English People and I | 18 Comments

Before posting about Christmas and New Year, I decided I should post about something very important that happened in my life: I stopped smoking!

After 12 years of addiction and slavery, I finally stopped! Last Tuesday, January, 2nd (you can ask Russ for the precise hour and minute) I smoked my last cigarette. New years resolution you may say. Not really… That was just a coincidence. How did I do it then? You probably won’t believe me, as some of my friends and family didn’t. The truth is: I read a book! I will explain and try not to write the longest post in history. I was in Derby for Christmas with Russ and at some point Phil came to visit. We went shopping and a book store was in our route. At some point I lost Russ. After looking for him in three floors I found him sitting on the floor in a hidden corner looking at a book. I later realised it was the only one left and that Russ found it by chance in a dark corner. The book was called (and most of my English friends probably heard of it) ‘Allen Carr’s easy way to stop smoking’. I looked at Russ as if asking: ‘ Do you really think I believe a book is going to make me stop?’ He said: ‘I heard from a friend that this actually worked with him and with other people he knows. It’s only £10 and you have nothing to loose in reading it’. Then, this random woman looking at some books nearby starts talking to us saying: ‘I used to smoke 40 a day before I read the book. It worked for me and for a lot of people who work with me. You should try it.’ And I took the book home.

As many of you, I really don’t believe in these crappy books on ‘how to do this in 10 steps’ and ‘how to do that the easy way’. But I had an open mind and decided to try. As soon as I read the first pages I realised this was different. The guy actually used to be a heavy smoker and knew exactly how smokers think and act (that is one of his secrets of success). I said to Russ that he should read the book with me to understand how we think and to realise that he was having the wrong approach with me.He was actually having the opposite effect when he tried to convince me to stop. I won’t tell you the details here but I can tell you that soon after we started I realised there was a strong possibility of working. And in the end it did! I stopped! And it didn’t hurt. It was actually so much easier than I thought! And I feel great! I am so happy I stopped it is impossible to describe. It was not as easy as he claims but a lot easier than I imagined. NOTE: Obviously you have to be motivated and actually want to stop for it to work.

I felt the need for the nicotine several times (now most of it as left my body) so I decided I should read the book again just to be sure. I realised I didn’t need to read the book. The part where he tells you how to think to make you feel happy instead of miserable when you want a cigarette was working. But I have scientific brain (and it’s getting worse each day) and I started dissecting the book and analysing the techniques he uses. They are actually very clever. He must have had help from someone who knows how the human brain acts because the way it is written is actually genius. That is why it works! If you want to know more about my conclusions ask me. If i write them here it WILL be the longest post in history.

Finally I just want to say something about people’s reactions. Russ was absolutely fantastic. He supported me all the way and actually believed a lot more than I did. I was quite sad however that my mother didn’t believe me when I said I stopped (she a heavy smoker as well). A friend told me that it was all a bunch of crap and that these books don’t work and that people are idiots to buy them and make the people who write them rich. I was so happy that I stopped that I thought my friends would be happy for me as well and would support me and I was disappointed when people not only didn’t believe me but they also thought I was silly. The truth is: I did stop! I never want to smoke again! It was actually easy! Even when I was craving for a cigarette because I was still addicted, it wasn’t difficult not to smoke. It was easy and I actually felt happy about it. Happy that I didn’t need to smoke! And to be honest, I would gladly ask for a loan and give the man all the money I would spend on cigarettes for the rest of my life! I would still be winning because I did stop and I’m getting my health back. And if that makes me silly then I’m a happy silly woman. And the truth is, people’s negative reactions won’t put me down, but it would be so much better that my friends were happy with my happiness and trusted me when I said I did stop. I’m not saying you should buy the book. I’m not saying all my friends should stop smoking. You do what you want, I’m not trying to convince you to do anything. If you want to stop use your own methods. If not then don’t. If you ask my advice I’ll give it to you. As simple as that.

And here is the reason why I’m also posting this in the category ‘The English people and I’: The reaction of my English friends was completely different. They found it quite normal it was just a book that made me stop. They believed me and congratulated me and were very happy about it. Interesting bit is: All my English friends are non-smokers. All my Portuguese friends are or were until recently heavy smokers. Is their reaction a coincidence? Is it a matter of culture? Is it a matter of how smokers and non smokers think? I’ll be waiting for your opinions.

I will continue writing posts on how my life changed since I stopped. It’s up to you if you want to read them or if you find them boring or stupid. But I AM happy I stopped and I think I should share that :)

In the beginning

Posted on December 27, 2006
Filed Under The English People and I | 2 Comments

Most of my friends now have a place on the internet where they write and share what is in their minds and their personal experiences. I think it is a great idea! I’m not a ‘writing’ person. In fact I’m not very good at it and I never thought I had anything important or interesting to say. But some friends told me that I could write about my experiences in England and I thought I could give it a go.

First of all I must say I would rather write in Portuguese as it is my mother tongue and it would be a lot easier for me. But then my English friends wouldn’t be able to read it and, of course, I must practice my English writing for my thesis. :P I hope I don’t make too many mistakes ;)

The purpose of this is to share my experiences in a different country with a different culture. I must point out that I’m not criticising in a bad way or saying that it is better or worse. They are just comments and personal thoughts, difficulties and good experiences. Ok, there are some things I can’t understand but that’s because it’s a different culture and that must be respected. I hope that none of my English (or Portuguese) friends get upset or offended by what I say. I love you all and I love being here!

Forgive me if this is a bit messy. There is a lot to say and I’m not quite sure which is the best way to say it. So I’ll start by explaining how I got here… in another post… ;)



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